This is just how life works. Time needs to pass. Time needs to pass to set straight the train wreck of emotions. There is no other healthy way to learn from the pain of a cracked heart. In the last few days I’ve learned things about myself. Most notably, when I love, I love deeply and completely. I’ve also learned that there are endless things that are still reliable in my life. Growing up Navajo I’d always heard the story of Coyote, First Man and the placement of the stars. I was told that First Man took great care and patience with building several constellations because he wanted the results of the work to be perfect, forever lighting up the night sky. Coyote watched and eventually grew impatient and gathered all of First Man’s mica and threw them up into the air. They instantly stuck in random bunches. To this day I can count on looking into the night sky and be reminded of the reliable disorder created by Coyote and his impatience. Stars are reliable. There is always a story in the stars. I need to allow myself to be patient, still, and open to all the stories that are out there and in me. I got so caught up in a whirlwind of love and like Coyote was reckless & impatient with that love and it had the potential to be an everlasting disorder. I’ve learned that I cannot count on someone to know me better than I know myself. I lost sight of the fact that they may not always be around. I’ve learned that I am the only one who has power over my life and I have to take the time as First Man did and patiently build the constellations of my heart. With time and patience I can work to make sure that commitment, communication, warmth, goodness, consideration, respect, honesty, sex, intimacy, passion, romance, love and trust will ALWAYS be secure in their proper positions even when surrounded by the complications, randomness, trials, and struggles of life and love. I am learning that with patience and time there is nothing in my life that cannot be renewed, restored, or remade.
With love and deep respect…
– J
Red Running Into The Water 